Adventures of a Housecarl
by TyphoonSignal10
Summary: Eiruki dreams of becoming a housecarl, but for the last three years she as always been passed over.However, with Jarl Balgruuf's appointment of a new Thane, another chance presents itself. But will her Thane be what she expects, and will they get along? Rated M purely to be on the safe side. (Possible happenings in later chapters. These will be mentioned in Author's Notes,)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Just to clarify to anyone reading this, for this story in Skyrim, neither Alduin nor the Dragonborn exsist. Dragons are a known albeit rare part of life.**

**The song of the drunken dark elf is a modified version of Tenacious D's Kickapoo. The first verse is taken directly from the song; the second verse is one I wrote myself.**

I was running breathlessly through the forests of Whiterun hold, at my liege's side. Suddenly we burst out onto the plains, my liege's foot caught on an exposed tree root and he tumbled to the ground. Every survival instinct available to me screamed _Run! Save yourself!_ But I had sworn to be this man's sword and his shield, to guard him and everything he owns with my life. I turned back to help him when the dragon we had been running away from swooped down and grabbed both of us in its hooked claws. We rose and then it dropped us. I was falling down, down. The wind whistling past my face, I knew that I had failed in my duty. I closed my eyes as the ground rushed towards me and…

I woke up. Still alive. Still in bed. Still not a housecarl. Still only a trainee. I rose from my tiny, cramped bed, went over to the polished plate that served me as a mirror and looked at what awaited me there. I looked and I saw a Nord woman of average height, short, dark hair that reached to my jawline, dark eyes and a short, thin nose. I saw nothing more, no trained warrior, no potential housecarl to a thane or other important person, I just saw me. I just saw a failure.

I had been training to be a housecarl for almost three years now. In that time I had seen many younger men and women selected to protect important people whilst I had been passed over and forgotten. Even my friend Lydia, who had entered the academy less than a year ago, had already gone on to become housecarl to some Thane of Whiterun.

A harsh voice interrupted my musings, "Eiruki! Get your lazy arse moving girl, no wonder you still haven't left this place." I hurriedly threw on my steel armour, grabbing my sword and shield from their stand beside the bed as I left my room. I entered the communal eating space to a series of titters and a stern look. The titters from my fellow trainees, and the look from my teacher, Urfid the Resolute, once housecarl to the previous Jarl of Whiterun, now the master of the Housecarl Academy. "Now as I was saying runts, this is a perfect example of how _not_ to behave if you ever want to be assigned a liege. If you awake after your liege, there is chance that he or she may already have been killed, robbed or kidnapped, depending on their importance and the intentions of the intruder."

I groaned inwardly, Urfid didn't particularly like me, I think he viewed me as his one great failure, and he took a delight in humiliating me in front of the other trainees or 'runts' as called us. Using me as an example of how not to behave was just one of his torments; he would also use me as a demonstration for the more vicious combat techniques, far more often than any of the others. Sometimes I felt I was never going to make it as a housecarl, and that I should just quit. Maybe try being a sellsword. But so far, every time I'd considered it, I had seen a smug look on Urfid's face, and my resolve hardened. I would not be driven out by this arse. The first time I had considered leaving I was stopped by a lean, red-haired Dunmer woman who had convince me to stay. I later found out that that Dark elf was Irileth, housecarl to Jarl Balgruuf the Greater. She soon became my aspiration, to emulate her. Following this my performance at the academy became somewhat better.

Later that day, after two long training sessions, and a practical test on the streets of Whiterun, acting as housecarl to an Imperial trainee named Oriton Vitellius, and constantly being attacked by other trainees, I felt that I deserved some leisure time to myself. On the way to the bannered mare, I spotted Irileth and a group of town guards, looking incredibly battered, but triumphant, heading up towards Dragonsreach. As I drew closer I overheard Jon Battle-Born tell Ulfberth War-Bear that they had just killed a dragon out by the Western Watchtower the previous. Dragons, every trainee had heard the tales of them, we had all been taught that if a dragon attacks you and your liege, to launch yourself at the dragon to buy time and order your liege to run to safety. If Irileth had killed one, even with the aid of the town guards, my opinion of her increased even further.

As I entered the Bannered Mare, the relative peace of Whiterun was replace by the raucous noise of multiple Nords and other races drinking, singing and enjoying themselves. As I looked on, the Redguard barmaid, Saadia, I think her name was, wove in and out of the drunken revellers, serving mead where needed, and slapping away the occasional wandering hand that sought to 'cop a feel'. I sat down at the only empty table in the entire room and waited for Saadia to come over. When she did, I bought a couple of bottles of Honningbrew mead. I drank deeply, not as good as the Black-Briar stuff from Riften, but much cheaper, which is why I was drinking it.

As I contemplated opening my second bottle, I became aware of a loud disturbance near the centre of the room. A slight Duner woman clad in leather armour had stolen Mikhail's lute and had leapt onto the table near the fire. She gave the stringed instrument a few experimental strums before launching into a mead-fuelled song.

"Oh, the dragon's maw was blazing as I stepped into his way,

Then I sliced his fucking cock off with my long and shining blade,

For 'twas I who killed the dragon,

Sing fuckalie, sing fuckaloo,

And if you try to fuck with me, I shall fuck with you."

There were some jeers, followed by some applause and catcalls; the elf was obviously very drunk. Obviously, she had not been anywhere near the dragon, her armour bore no trace of the burns that had covered Irileth and the Whiterun guards that I had seen that afternoon. There was still more to come however.

"The watchtower was burning,

Guardsmen's bodies on the floor,

I came along and trapped the dragon's head in the fucking tower door,

I saved you from the dragon,

It almost was my final hour,

Then the bloody guards threw me in jail for stealing a fucking flower."

There was widespread laughter at this last line, for many knew it to be true, perform some great deed for the city, be thanked gratefully, then get thrown in jail for accidentally stealing a flower.

The elf opened her mouth to continue the song, went cross-eyed, and fell backwards of the table. There was a crunching sound, quickly overpowered by much laughter. Not only had the elf passed out and fallen off the table, she'd landed on Mikhail's lute and broken it.

I paid Saadia and left, before I ended up in debt to Hulda again. As the door swung shut behind me, I had more laughter; no doubt the dark elf had gotten back up again.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning I awoke early, got myself dressed in my armour and headed downstairs. I was one of the first down. I decided to take this as a sign that today would be a good day. Perhaps Urfid wouldn't pick on me quite so much today. Shortly, many of the other trainees filed into the room, sat down and began to break their fast. Urfid walked in, glanced around a couple of times, then his eyes narrowed when they found me, he had been cheated out of an opportunity to ridicule me. Instead he turned his ire upon a young Breton named Maniel. "You boy!" he bellowed "What do you think you are doing?"

Poor Maniel had obviously never faced the full brunt of Urfid's rage, "I-I'm breaking my fast sir." He stammered. "Where, is your sword and shield boy? How do you expect to defend you liege if you do not have your weapons?" As Maniel's face turned white and he ran off to this room to get said sword and shield, Urfid turned to face the majority of the room and said "That runts, is a perfect example of how _not_ to behave if you ever want to be assigned a liege! Without your sword and shield, the only way you protect your liege is to throw yourself across them to turn the assassin's blade!"

After we had broken our fasts, Urfid led a group of us to the outside training arena.

"Now runts! This time, for the benfit of Mr. Maniel, I am going to show you how to take on an enemy whilst you are unarmed!" Maniel quivered under Urfid's Glare. "Now! Who shall I choose to demonstrate this technique upon?" My heart sank as his eyes settled upon me, "Eiruki! It's your lucky day! You will be my demonstration partner!" My lucky day, yeah right. I had been a fool to think that merely being down early would be a good omen. I didn't pray to the divines, I'd given up on that after a year and half of not being selected. Sometimes I considered praying to the Daedric Princes, but that always had been, and always would be a bad idea. Instead I silently cursed Urfid, and stepped forward to take what ever beating Urfid intended to dish out today.

"Listen up runts! This technique may well save your lives and those of your lieges one day! Especially if your name is Maniel!" He barked. "Unarmed, your best weapons are your armoured fists! Use them well, and you can defeat an armed opponent!" Rather than listen to this rant again, I had heard it several times over the course of the last three years, I let my mind drift. Here I was, a woman of 23 summers, and what had I achieved? Nothing. My musings were interrupted by two things. One, I spotted housecarl Irileth approaching the academy. Two, Urfid's roar "Eiruki! Did you hear anything I just said?" Thinking quickly, I racked my brain for my memories of unarmed combat. "Yes sir. When unarmed, use your bracers or gauntlets as though they were the edges of a sword to block, and when an opportunity presents itself, punch the target in the face or chest." Urfid looked a bit annoyed, he had obviously hoped to catch me out, "Acceptable." He grunted, then he rallied himself, "Now if you would like to demonstrate for the rest of the runts!" Shit! I had never been any good at the practical side of unarmed combat. Fortunately for me, just as Urfid reached for his sword, a proud voice cut across the general noise of the training grounds. "Excuse me Urfid" I looked over at housecarl Irileth, silently thanking her for her timely intervention. "What is it housecarl? I have a lesson to take here." He grunted. "Yes, I can see that" she replied, unfazed, "However, I need to take one of your students, we have a new Thane, and a Thane needs a housecarl."

My spirits rose, maybe, just maybe, today would in fact be my day. But then Urfid ruined the moment for me "Sure, pick one of that lot" he said, indicating the rest of the group with his sword. "Wjhat about that one?" Irileth said pointing at me. "Ignore Eiruki," Urfid said, "She's pretty much a lost cause."

Rage boiled inside me, how dare he dismiss me like that? How dare he crush my dreams as though they were as insignificant as a bird's? Fortunately it seemed that Irileth agreed. "Urfid, that girl has been here for almost three years, with you constantly giving me the same reasons why I shouldn't take her. Either your teaching methods are shit, or your judgement is shit." Shock rolled through us, we had never seen, or heard anyone say anything like that to Urfid. "How dare you, say such things to me! How dare you question my judgement! You foolish elf!" He roared. "And how dare _you_ speak to me in such a manner," Irileth retorted, "I am housecarl to Jarl Balgruuf the Greater! I will not stand here and be disrespected by the likes of you!" Urfid was stunned.

Irileth turned to me and said, "Very well girl, I will test you, and if I deem your skills to be satisfactory, you will become the housecarl to our newest Thane." My heart jumped at the prospect of becoming a housecarl and leaving Urfid and the academy behind forever. I stood across from Irileth and drew my sword. Irileth responded in kind. "Now remember, if you wish to end the fight, sheath your sword. If I sheath my sword first, it means I judge you adequate to the task of housecarl and you leave here. If you sheath your sword first, it means you are inadequate to the task and will remain here. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes housecarl." I responded.

"Very good, then begin."

She leapt forward, and our blades met in a clash of sparks, I fought hard, employing every trick and technique I knew. But each time Irileth seemed to know what I would do, blocking each strike seemingly effortlessly, before countering with her own vicious strokes. I was hard pressed to defend myself, and the occasional attack got past my guard. I soon realised that Irileth knew every one of the tricks I was using, and probably invented some herself. I knew that in order to pass this test I would have to try something new. Before I could think about it and begin to doubt myself, my body leapt into action. I swung my sword seemingly towards hers, before directing the blade towards her knee at the last second, she swung her sword wildly to block it, as she bent over slightly to do so, I brought my other hand and my shield round, and caught her in the side, sending the Dunmer housecarl sprawling across the training ground floor. As I watched, she raised herself of the ground, nodded, and sheathed her weapon. For a second I just stood there, then it sunk in. I had passed. I was a housecarl.


	3. Chapter 3

I left the training ground with my success fresh in my mind. I had finally done it. No more insults and humiliations from Urfid. No more having to endure the laughter of the other trainees at the failure. No more dreaming about becoming a housecarl and waking up to the reality. As I entered my tiny room for the last time to collect my meagre possessions from the chest under the bed, my mind drifted and I began to think about my future liege. What would they be like? Would they respect me? Would they care if I got hurt? Or would they be self-centred? In my mind, the Thane was a big, strapping Nordic man with brown hair and a thick beard. He wore either iron or steel armour; my imagination hadn't quite gotten that far yet, and carried a steel sword and shield. Of course, I realised that the thane could just as easily be a woman, but the general idea was still the same. Big Nordic woman, brown hair, no beard this time, iron or steel armour, and a steel sword. I realised that Irileth might get impatient if I took too long coming out with my stuff, and I knew from what she'd said to Urfid that it wasn't a good idea to annoy the Dark elf.

I ran back up the stairs, slowing down to a walk as I exited the building, not wanting to be seen in too much of a hurry. As I opened the door Irileth looked over to me. "Ready are you?" she asked. "Yes housecarl." I replied. "Very good, well if you'll follow me. That is, unless Urfid has anything else to say." We both looked at the old man, who shook his head. He had no more to say to me, hopefully ever. I followed Irileth up through Whiterun towards the keep of Dragonsreach. I had seen the building countless times before from the wind and plains ditricts, but I had never before been inside it. As we walked under the branches of the Gildergreen, the Temple of Kynareth to the left, Jorrvaskr, legendary mead hall of the companions, up the steps to the right, Irileth stopped and turned to me. "You're being very quiet, nervous are you?"

"A little, Housecarl," I admitted. Irileth sighed, "You are a housecarl as well now, and you no longer have to refer to me as housecarl. Call me Irileth, but see that you still show me respect. And you don't need to worry, most housecarls are nervous upon meeting their first liege. You have nothing to worry about. Now come on, we can't keep Jarl Balgruuf and the Thane waiting."

As we approached the steps, I heard Heimskr preaching about Talos and the Stormcloaks "We are but maggots, writhing in the filth of our own corruption! While you have ascended from the dung of mortality-"

"He's going to be in trouble if the Empire hears about that" I muttered. "It is not the Empire Heimskr needs worry about" Irileth said, "But the Thalmor Justiciars. Damn bastards, they give all elves a bad name, and even turn most of the Nords against us Dark Elves!" As we walked up the steps leading to Dragonsreach we passed a slender, redheaded Nordic women named Ysolda walking down. "Greetings Housecarl" she called out to Ysolda. "Greetings, Ysolda," Irileth replied, "Any luck with the Khajiit caravans or the Bannered Mare yet?"

"Not yet, but I remain hopeful." We carried on up to the imposing wooden doors of the keep. The two guards on either side barred the entrance, but drew back and opened the doors when they recognised Irileth. As I stepped into Dragonsreach, I gasped, inside it was the largest structure I had ever seen. The roof rose up to a point high above me, and the large hall with its central fire and eating area were spread out before me. As we walked up the first set of steps, a young boy looked up at me and said in a condescending tone of voice, "Another wanderer, here to lick my father's boots. Good job." I decided, there and then, that I hated him. "Away with you Nelkir." Irileth said, turning to me she continued, "The Jarl's youngest son, not a particularly nice boy." I drew my attention away from little Nelkir, who was now shouting at one of the servants to bring him some hot food, and focussed on Jarl Balgruuf the Greater. He appeared to be in the middle of appointing the new Thane. "You've done me and my city a great service. By my right as Jarl, I name you Thane of Whiterun. It's the greatest honour that's within my power to grant." He paused. I still couldn't see the Thane. "Go and speak with Irileth to be assigned your personal housecarl."

I held my breath, now I was going to meet my Thane, my liege. The man or woman I would serve for the rest of my days, or until they died or discharged me. I looked up, expecting the big Nord, instead the sight that greeted my eyes was a slender Dark elf, clad in Leather armour, with dark red hair, and matching, curving war paint on her face. Not at all what I was expecting. Irileth spoke, "Thane, this is Eiruki. She will be your personal housecarl. "I see," the response was delivered in voice that was eerily similar to Irileth's, "If you will excuse me housecarl, I have some business to see to with Proventus Avenicci." She turned round, and headed in the direction of the Jarl's personal steward. I turned to Irileth, but she had already left, no doubt heading back to the Jarl's side. I returned my attention to my Thane in time to see several bulging coin purses, a key, and some paper changing hands. It seemed that my Thane had just bought a house. Curious, she didn't look like the type to settle down.

As she came down the hall towards me, pocketing the key and the paper, it struck me that she seemed familiar somehow. Where had I met her before?


	4. Chapter 4

As I left the keep, with my Thane in front of me, and my eyes looking for danger, my mind was churning. I was trying to remember where I recognised the woman from. "Excuse me my Thane." The words were out before I could stop myself. The Thane turned to me, "Yes, what is it housecarl?" I could feel my face reddening slightly, "Erm, I was wondering, if you don't mind me asking that is…" Great Eiruki, just great, you've made yourself look like a confused idiot. "Go, on" A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. Now I was a source of amusement for her. I continued anyway, "What did you do that caused Jarl Balgruuf to name you Thane?"

"Oh, I killed a dragon." I could barely believe my ears, I had realised where I knew the Thane from. The drunken singer in the Bannered Mare. "Far be it from to inquire, my Thane, but was it with a long and shining blade?" Okay, now my nerves really were running away with me. The Thane looked slightly surprised, "Wait, what? Oh I see, you were at the Bannered Mare last night. How much of it did you see?"

"I heard the verses about killing the dragon and stealing the flower my Thane. I left after that." The elf smiled again, she seemed to do that a lot I noticed. "So you missed the drinking contest with half the city guard and the fistfight with that big Nordic woman?" Now it was my turn to be surprised, "Uthgerd the Unbroken? But she's never lost a fistfight to anyone, my Thane."

"Aye, and that made her cocky. Cocky, and overconfident. She was strong, but slow." I nodded, from what I knew of Uthgerd and fistfights, that was true. "My Thane, if I may, why was your armour not as burnt as the others that went to slay the dragon?" The elf looked slightly pleased at the question. "You notice a lot housecarl. Well, the reason my armour wasn't burnt, is because I killed the dragon by jumping off the roof of the watchtower, and stabbing it through the head when I landed on the beast's neck." I looked at her in wonder, this is what they make Thanes of now? Adventurers that jump off watchtowers on to dragons. Fortunately the Thane was distracted from my expression by the house to the left of us. I recognised it as Breezehome, a long-derelict property in the Plains district of Whiterun, near the main gate. The Thane pulled a small key from her pocket, and inserted it into the lock of the door. She jiggled it around a bit, cursed under her breath, then abandoned the key, and to my surprise, pulled out a shiv and a set of lock picks, and immediately set to work picking the lock. It took her less than a minute to get the door open. As she pushed the door open she said, "First thing to do is get a new lock put on that door. With that she walked into the house, leaving me to stand on the street, no doubt gaping at what she had just done.

Hurriedly I followed the Thane into the house. Inside, Proventus' movers had already set up the kitchen, living area, although there wasn't much space for living, and a small alchemy lab. As I took all this in, I heard my Thane cursing from upstairs. I couldn't quite make out which of the eight or nine divines she was cursing to. She came down the rickety stairs, "Damn, steward. He's forgotten to include a bedroom for you. Wait here, I'm going to go and shout at an Imperial."

"My Thane, do you want me to see about a new lock? There's a blacksmith next door." I said. She stopped and turned to me. "Next door? Go on then, make sure it's better than the piece of skeever-shit currently attached to my door." With that, she turned on her heel, and stormed out of the house. I stood still for a moment. This woman was definitely _not_ the kind of person I had imagined serving as a housecarl for the rest of my life.

The smithy next door appeared to be empty. The forge and smelter stood silent, and no-one sat at the grindstone or stood at the workbench. I knocked on the main door. "Come in." I heard gruff Nordic voice from inside, as I opened the door, the voice continued, "Welcome to Warmaiden's, take a good look around."  
The owner of the voice looked more or less exactly like I had imagined my Thane to be, a big Nordic man, Thick hair and a beard, iron armour and a warhammer. "The name's Ulfberth War-bear, how can I help you today?" he asked. "I've just moved in next door with my Thane, and she sent me to see if we could a new lock for the door." I replied.

"I see," Ulfberth said, "Hang on, I'll get my wife." With that he turned towards the back of the shop, "Adrianne!" he called, "You got a customer." He turned back to me, "I can do your basic weapons, but if you want armour, or fiddly business like locks, no-one's better than my wife, not even Eorlund Gray-Mane!" He puffed his chest out with pride, "That's enough boasting Ulfberth, we both know that Eorlund is the best smith in Whiterun, possibly even in Skyrim. I just do my best." The new voice belonged to well-muscled, dark-skinned Imperial woman. "Eorlund Gray-Mane works with the Skyforge, which gives him a distinct advantage." Ulfberth countered. This was clearly an old argument; I cleared my throat before it could become too developed. "Ah Yes, what was you wanted?" the Imperial asked me, "I need a new lock for Breezehome, next door." I said. "Right, let me get my tools and I will be over shortly."

I watched the smith working on the door, she made a comment about the old lock, and how it looked like it had been picked open. I had to explain that the Thane's key hadn't worked. "And where is the Thane now?" she asked me. "She said she was going to Dragonsreach to shout at an Imperial bureaucrat."

"Oh, that would be my father. He's the steward up at Dragonsreach." I shrugged, my steel armour making quite a loud noise from the gesture. "He forgot to put a bedroom in for me, the Thane was quite annoyed." Adrianne laughed, "That sounds like my father, always forgetting things. He forgot to order a bedroom for me when I was younger."

"So how did he become the Jarl's steward if he's always forgetting things?" I raised an eyebrow. "He never forgets the important, political things," she replied. "I don't know," I said, "pissing off a Thane seems pretty political to me." She laughed again, "It is at that,"

Later that evening, I was sitting in one of the kitchen chairs, the Thane had clearly been up to Dragonsreach to shout at Proventus as my bedroom had now been fitted out. But there was no sign of my Thane, surely it wouldn't take this long to go to Dragonsreach and back, I mean Proventus had already had the furniture for my room sent down. I was jolted out of my reverie by an insistent knocking from the front door. I rose to open it, but the handle refused to turn. Shit, where was the key Adrianne had given me? I found the key resting on a sack of vegetables; I opened the door to be confonted by the sight of a yellow-cloaked city guard holding a torch in one hand, and supporting my Thane with the other. The smell of mead clung to her like a frostbite spider to its prey. "The Bannered Mare?" I asked the guard. "At first, aye," he replied. "Then she got kicked out by Hulda, and went straight, well as straight as was possible in her state, to the Drunken Huntsman, she got kicked out after a swearing match with Jenassa got violent." I groaned inwardly, not only was my Thane a reckless fool who thought it to be a good idea to jump off a watchtower onto a dragon's back, she was also a severe alcoholic. "Thank you for bringing her back here, would you please help me carry her upstairs?" I asked him. "Aye, I can do that." I can almost feel the grin under his helmet, finding the new Thane of Whiterun piss-drunk on her first day in the office. The Thane groaned as we laid her on the bed, unfortunately, she would be feeling that a lot worse in the morning. I saw the guard out, and thanked him for his help. He shrugged, and attempted to hold back a laugh at the state of the Thane. I sighed, tomorrow was going to be an interesting morning.


	5. Chapter 5

As it turned out, I was right, the next morning was terrible. The Thane woke up at about half past nine, and immediately started moaning about her head, her fists, and the fight she'd gotten into the night before. After about half an hour of being subjected to this tirade, the Thane came down the stairs, fully dressed in her leather armour, her steel sword at her left hip, and told me that we were going to go hunt some bandits. "What!" I asked incredulously, "You want to go and hunt bandits? In your current state?"

"Aye," came the reply, "There is no better cure for a hangover than a dose of mortal danger, not that I'll likely get any from any of the bandits around Whiterun." I swear my jaw had lost contact with the rest of my head by this point, and was probably lying on the floor somewhere. "My Thane," I said, "Are you quite sure about this?"

"Oh yes, I've even got a bounty from that imperial steward man at the keep. Let me see… Ah yes, Silent Moons Camp is where the bandits are camped out. Funnily enough the bandits call themselves the Silent Moons clan." I decided that the elf was probably completely mad, completely drunk, or, more likely, a mixture of both, based on the fact that she was treating hunting down a bandit clan as a hangover cure.

"Ok then, where is this Silent Moons camp my Thane?"

"It's located in some of your old Nordic ruins to the west of here, should be fun to clear out, right?" So saying, she walked down the stairs… and straight into the door. "This is why I need that fucking hangover cure, the money won't hurt either." She opened the door, and walked outside, cursing loudly. I groaned, grabbed my sword and shield, grabbed the key, locked the door and set off after the Thane. I had an unshakeable gut feeling that something was going to go badly wrong.

The journey to the bandit camp was spectacularly uneventful, but after arriving at the ruins, nothing went right. First of all, I was too busy trying to keep an eye on the still slightly drunk Thane, and I failed to notice the tripwire that the bandits had strung across the path, setting of a series of hidden bows concealed in the small stone huts on either side of us. The noise made by these arrows clattering of stone walls alerted the bandits to our presence, causing them to charge and attack us. Then I discovered what the Thane used her spare left hand for when I attacked a bandit and got struck in the back by a large fireball that had been intended for the bandit I was attacking. That was the last thing I remembered, as the pain caused by the fireball caused me to pass out.

When I woke up again, I was staring at the familiar wooden roof beams of the temple of Kynareth in Whiterun. I groaned as I tried to sit up straight, and was immediately forced back down by a gentle, but firm hand. "You need to stay still my child," I recognised the voice as belonging to Danica Pure-Spring, priestess and healer, "You have some serious burns on your back, and a couple of deep blade wounds in your side that need time to heal." I groaned again, "What happened to me after I passed out?" My voice sounded dry and creaky. "Well, according to the Thane, after the _incident_ with the fireball, you passed out, and the bandit you were fighting stabbed you in the side, through the gap in your armour, and had drawn his blade down to your hip before the Thane was able to cut him down." She paused for breath, "the Thane then cleared out the rest of the bandits before bringing you back here strapped over a horse."

"A horse?" I heard myself interrupt the priestess, I didn't remember the Thane owning a horse. "Aye, she claims that it belonged to the bandits and was tied up in their encampment, and there have been no reports of any horses being stolen in Whiterun. Now hold still, I can heal so that the burns won't scar, but I can't promise the same for the gashes to your side." I sighed, I had obviously been expecting to receive scars during my duty as a housecarl, but I had predicted receiving them protecting my Thane during an encounter some way into my employment, not in our first encounter with bandits due to a badly mistimed fireball. My sigh turned into a hacking cough as I almost double up from the pin in my side. As I did so I noticed that the sky outside the window was dark, it had been early morning when the Thane and I had set out for the camp. I turned to Danica slightly panicked, "Danica, how long have I been out?" I asked, "How many hours?"

Danica chuckled nervously, "hours, dear? You've been unconscious for nearly three days." I paled considerably, three days? What drunken misadventures could my Thane have gotten herself into in that time? "The Thane?" I asked, "How is she?" Danica smiled knowingly, "The Thane is fine, she did narrowly avoid a spell in the Dragonsreach dungeon after smashing Mikael's lute over his head in the Bannered Mare last night." I gasped, I knew Mikael was annoying, but smashing his Lute over his head? Danica continued, "The guards were ready to arrest her, but Carlotta Valentia spoke up from her and said that she had been warding off Mikael's unwanted advances for her." I allowed myself a small smile, Mikael was well known in Whiterun for fancying himself as a notorious womanizer, and he had set his sights on conquering Carlotta, 'as any Nord conquers a harsh beast.' The general consensus in Whiterun was that he was asking for trouble if he persisted. I smiled to myself in the knowledge that my Thane was still alive, had avoided the Dragonsreach dungeons, and also that Mikhael had finally gotten his comeuppance.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: To anyone who is still following this, it's back! There are multiple reasons behind this. I was busy with my other story, A New Companion, which was better written and got better reviews. I also had no idea what do next with the story, technically I still don't. And my laptop crashed due to a faulty virus checker. Please review or PM me to tell me if you like the story, or how you think it could be improved.**

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I walked back through Whiterun to Breezehome. As I passed through the market district I was run into by Mila Valentia who apologised before running off again in much the same manner. I sighed, eventually that girl was going to run into someone who wouldn't accept a simple apology and would get seriously offended, such as Nazeem, the pompous Redguard who was often seen walking around Whiterun making comments about the 'breeding' of people he passed, as though they were animals, and just generally being snobbish. His wife Ahlam, on the other hand, was nice enough, volunteering her services at the temple of Kynareth, helping Danica Purespring to heal anyone who needed it, what she saw in Nazeem, and why she stayed with him, was anyone's guess.

I shook my head; I did not need to be thinking about pompous Redguards or their polite, _attractive_ wives. I had come to terms with my sexuality about a year after entering the housecarl academy when I found myself being turned on by the bodies of my fellow female trainees in the changing rooms. My first actual 'girlfriend', not that she had actually used the term, had not been a member of the academy, and was instead a small Breton girl named Muiri, who had come to train under Titus Aurellius to become an alchemist after being forcibly ejected from Windhelm over a misunderstanding with a powerful family there. That dream had ended when Titus had died, and his alchemy shop had been taken over by his niece, Arcadia. Muiri had left to return to Markarth to train under a woman named Bothela who, from the way Muiri described her, had been absolutely terrifying, that being the reason she hadn't just trained under her in the first place. I had been heartbroken when Muiri told me that she had to leave and that she wanted to end our relationship, she said that a long-distance relationship just wouldn't work out and that she didn't want me to give up my dream just to follow her. She had also said that in Markarth relationships between Nords and non-Nords, especially Bretons, were frowned upon, and usually ended with the non-Nord either murdered, or carted off to Cidhna Mina under some ridiculous pretence. Despite the tears the split had otherwise been perfectly amicable, and we had parted ways as friends.

I worried for her sometimes, her letters were few and far between, and I was well aware of the way that the powerful Silver-Blood family, and the Jarl of Markarth treated the Natives of the reach, and their Breton cousins. I also constantly feared that she would be killed during a Forsworn attack, and that I wouldn't know unless my Thane's travels ever took us to Markarth and I could ask around about her.

The smell of coals and the sound of steel being hammered indicated that I was nearing Warmaiden's, and thus Breezehome. I shook myself from my reminiscing about Muiri, I did not want to be thinking about the curves of Muiri's body against mine whilst I was supposed to be serving my Thane. It would be a distraction and would most likely get me, and possibly my Thane, killed.

A small voice at the back of my mind whispered that maybe, just maybe, instead of thinking about Muiri's body, I should be thinking about my Thane's body, and how that would feel against mine. I shook myself angrily, that would not do, and most definitely would not be happening for a number of reasons. First reason, I didn't even know her name, I was in no position to be thinking about her that way. Second reason, it would be incredibly unprofessional for a housecarl to be romantically involved with her liege. Third reason, she was a Dark Elf and would outlive me by hundreds of years, unless she got herself killed with her attitude to danger. Fourth reason, she was probably not a lesbian and more likely to be interested in men. Fifth reason, she was quite definitely _not _my type, and I was not even remotely interested, thank you very much.

Thinking about my Thane's attitude towards danger, I would have to talk to her about fire magic, more specifically about hitting me with it. That was the thought in my mind as I inserted my key into the lock and entered Breezehome. I was most definitely not prepared to hear the unmistakeable sounds of two people engaged in what sounded like passionate love-making coming from the upstairs master bedroom. I stopped dead, completely unsure what to do next, Urfid had never taught a class on what to do when walking in on a liege who was in the midst of sexual activities. Perhaps the best course of action was to ignore them? Although the volume of the act made that difficult, fortunately Breezehome, like most Nordic-designed properties, had thick walls so they couldn't be heard from outside. Maybe I should leave and come back later? No, that would go against everything I had been taught at the academy, to always stay near your liege, unless ordered otherwise, or told to relax or whatever.

In the end the decision was made for me, by the Thane's lover walking down the stairs, completely naked.

"What the FUCK?!" she screamed, grabbing a towel from the banisters to cover her modesty. I recognised the voice, and the face, as belonging to Ahlam, which meant two things. One, Ahlam was cheating on Nazeem, not really that much of a surprise given that the man was an absolute dick. The surprise was that she was cheating on him with a woman. Two, the Thane was either a lesbian, or bisexual. '_There goes reason number four.'_ The voice in my head told me, slyly.

"Gadali, there's some strange woman down here."

'_The Thane's called Gadali,' _The voice said, '_There goes reason number one.'_

'No it doesn't,' I told it, 'I am still in no position to be thinking about my Thane like that.'

"Oh, sweet Azura," the Thane swore, "she's probably my housecarl, Eiruki. Hang on, I'll be down in a minute."

It briefly registered that my Thane had just cursed in the name of a daedric prince. This revelation was overpowered by Ahlam staring at me with an expression of distaste, and fear, fear that I'd rat her out to Nazeem. This stare was disrupted when my Thane, or Gadali, came down the stairs, wearing a simple, blue dress which looked like it had just been thrown on, which it probably had. She stared at me as well for a few seconds before speaking.

"So, erm… you're healed then? Danica managed to fix you up?"

Ahlam was still glaring at me.

"Yes my Thane," I replied, "She said that the bandit stab wounds will scar, but the burns should fade soon."

The Thane had the grace to look slightly guilty at this, "Good… good. Sorry about that by the way. Look, Eiruki, I need you to be discreet about this… you know? Can't have it getting about that Ahlam's not the good wife everyone thinks her to be, and that she's been cheating on Nazeem. I mean, privately no-one will blame her for cheating on him, but in public they'll all be blaming her. So…"

"You need me to stay quiet about it? Is that correct my Thane?"

She smiled at me, causing some to quiver inside me. I'd always had a weakness for smiles, and lips. Muiri had great lips. "Yes, that's right. Forget you ever saw this, and never mention Ahlam ever being in Breezehome."

"Yes, my Thane," I said, "no one will ever hear about this."

Ahlam and the Thane both gave a relieved sigh at this.

"So then, Ahlam, I think it's about time you got back home to Nazeem? Don't want anyone wondering where you've gone."

"Of course, Gadali, thank you for a wonderful evening." Ahlam said, giving the Thane a kiss as she left. A long, lingering kiss similar to the kind Muiri used to give me at night in her room at the Bannered Mare before I left to return to my academy dorm room.

"So, Eiruki," the Thane said, "Seeing as you're up and about again, how about we head out and track down a bounty at White River Watch? Just let me grab my armour and we can set off."

"My Thane," I said, "Fighting bandits at this time of night? Surely we should wait until the morning?"

"You have a point there Eiruki. Yeah, in the morning we can head off to the bandit camp."

"My Thane," I ventured, "One more question, will there be any destruction magic this time?"

"Not directed at you I promise," She grinned, "Well not on purpose anyway."

"Don't worry," she said, on seeing my expression, "I've been learning restoration magic from Danica, So I'll be able to patch you up and we can carry on."

I groaned to myself as the Thane headed upstairs to bed, I was pretty sure that this was going to end up like Silent Moon's Camp all over again. I sent a silent prayer to the nine Divines that it would not be so before heading upstairs to my own room on the left, where I changed into my sleeping shift and promptly fell asleep on the small bed.


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning I was awoken by loud curses coming from the Thane's bedroom. I rushed to her door, still clad in my sleeping shift, clutching at my sword. "My Thane, is everything okay?" I ventured.

"Oh yes, everything's fucking perfect in here, I always curse when nothing's wrong." Was the response.

Realising that I should probably have expected that, I decided to find out what the reason behind the cursing was, "My Thane, what exactly is the matter?"

"I've fallen out of bed and landed on my fucking sword. I think I've broken my arse."

I groaned as I opened the door, the smell of mead, wine and various other, more exotic alcoholic drinks hung in the room like a dead skeever. "My Thane, do you store mead in the house?"

"What? No. After you fell asleep I went to the Bannered Mare and had a bit to drink. I think I had some fun with that pretty Redguard as well. What was her name? Sady- something I think?"

"Saadia, my Thane?"

"That's the one. She certainly knew what she was doing, I'll give her that."

"My Thane, exactly how much did you have to drink last night?"

"Errm… I'm not sure really, a lot?"

I groaned inwardly, the Thane's definition of a lot, was a normal drinker's definition of suicide by alcohol.

"Anyway," she continued, "Let's go and see Danica to get my arse fixed, then we can get on with the hangover cure."

I was about to ask what she meant when I remembered that the Thane's idea of a hangover cure was essentially mortal danger. I had no further chance to question her however, as she had already hauled herself up off the floor, using her sword for support, rubbing at her backside as if to make the pain go away.

'_You could always offer to rub it better,' _said the voice from yesterday, _'Or kiss it better, it's up to you."_

'Fuck off,' I told it, 'I do not need to be think about this, and nor do I want to touch her arse.'

'_Suit yourself'_

"Eiruki. Eiruki. EIRUKI!" The Thane's voice dispelled any mental retort I may have been forming, "Come on, to the temple of Kynareth." I followed the Thane down the stairs, surely, I thought, surely there's no way a trip to the temple of Kynareth can go wrong, I mean, it's barely five minutes down the road.

The trip to the Temple of Kynareth was indeed uneventful, however when it came to getting the treatment from Danica, the voice in my head decided to make an appearance when Danica insisted that she remove her pants in order to allow her to see the injury better, and I decided to leave the room.

'_There goes reason number five,'_ the voice said, _'If she wasn't your type, then you wouldn't have had to leave, because you wouldn't be interested.'_

'Fuck off.' I told it.

'_Very original comeback, how long did it take you to come up with that one?'_

'Still got reasons two and three,' I told it, 'and they're not going anywhere anytime soon.'

Fortunately the voice had no response to that, as the Thane had just emerged from the healing room, adjusting the waistband of her pants.

"Come on Eiruki, we have some bandits to kill, and a hangover to get rid of."

The journey from the Temple of Kynareth to the city gates on the other hand, was far from uneventful. Somehow, despite having been in Whiterun almost constantly for about a week, the Thane had yet to encounter Heimskr, self-declared chosen of Talos, and local doomsayer. We stepped out of the temple just as he was getting into the full flow of his sermon.

"-there it is, friends! The ugly truth! We are the children of man! Talos is the true god of man! Ascended from flesh, to rule the realm of spirit! The very idea is inconceivable to our Elven overlords! Sharing the heavens with us? With man? Ha! They can barely tolera-"

"Oh shut up you self-important bigot. Some of us have got hangovers here!" The Thane interrupted him, "Besides there are more serious problems than not being allowed to worship some half-arsed imposter god."

I winced, the Thane had just insulted Talos, essentially Heimskr's life.

"How dare you! Talos is mighty, Talos is unassailable, Talos is-"

"An unimportant, pseudo-god?"

And the insults just kept getting worse.

"Talos is no fake god, he is Tiber Septim made divine for his great deeds in life."

"Tiber Septim's deeds consisted of tearing apart the various countries of Tamriel, obliterating their belief systems and forcing them to obey his laws. He forced Queen Barenziah to have a miscarriage because he didn't want her child to threaten his line. He was also guilty of multiple racially-motivated war crimes. So don't tell me he was a hero and a god, he was a bastard."

Heimskr's face had turned bright red, no one had ever spoken to him about Talos this way before. Passers-by were stopping to watch, Whiterun had hadn't street theatre this interesting since before the war.

"How dare you, you eight-worshipping, Empire-lover."

"Wrong, and wrong. I have no love for the empire, and I don't worship the eight, I worship Azura, Princess of Dusk and Dawn, Lady of the Rose and Queen of the night sky, a being far older, far more powerful, and far more deserving of worship than your fake man-god."

"You filthy Daedra-Worshipper, I am a personal friend of keeper Carcette, I shall bring the Vigil of Stendarr down on you, and they shall destroy you." Heimskr fumed.

"Is that a threat?" The Thane asked, "I do believe it is. You all heard him didn't you?" She said glancing around at the gathered onlookers, "Guards," she called to the yellow-coated soldiers standing around, "Arrest him for threatening the life of a Thane."

Heimskr just stood there gaping as the guards dutifully moved in on him, dragging his protesting form away to the Dragonsreach dungeons.

The Thane grinned, "Ah, abuse of power, truly it feels like Morrowind." She headed off down the stairs through the plains districts. If I had thought that we were finished in Whiterun, I was wrong.

As we passed Breezehome, a small Redguard child ran straight into the Thane's legs. I groaned to myself as I recognised Braith, a ten year old girl who spent her days running around the plains and wind districts, bullying the other children, and constantly seeking to pick fights with everyone, no matter what they looked like, or what sort of weapons they carried.

"Hey, watch where you're going kid." The Thane shouted. Braith just looked at her before speaking in her usual, bratty tone of voice,

"Who are you? I haven't seen you before, I'm not afraid of you, ya know, even if you are my elder."

The Thane immediately seemed to take a dislike to Braith, "Really? Well tell me, _little_ girl, are you afraid of this?" She hurled a ball of fire at Braith's feet. Having grown up surrounded by Nords, Braith was completely unaccustomed to magic, and screamed before running off towards the wind district and her home.

The Thane continued on towards to the main gate muttering curses about Redguard children and Nordic preachers and Dunmer hangovers.

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**A/N: Gadali is an absolute bitch when hungover apparently. I have been in Eiruki's position more times than I care to remember, being the sensible one has its downside. Heimskr annoys me, I thought he'd get on well with those other religious zealots, so I made him friends with the vigil of Stendarr. Braith is just a bitch. Coming up we encounter Gadali's method of upgrading her armour, as well as seeing her getting drunk.**

**Again, please review, tell me what you like and what can be improved, tell me if I'm going out of character for any of Bethesda's characters.**

**Also tell me your opinions on Eiruki and Gadali, what do you think about them?**

**Thanks.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I am sorry that I didn't update when I said I would, however I believe that I have a very good reason. I had appendicitis, adn was in hospital for about a week, without my laptop. Anyway here is the next chapter.**

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As we left the city gates, it began to rain. Needless to say, this did little to improve the Thane's mood. She began cursing about Nordic weather in addition to the things she had already been complaining about. As we passed by the Whiterun stables, the storm got worse and we were almost run down by a horse that had bolted in fear of the thunder and lightning. The Thane started cursing about how the horse wouldn't even have been able to run in Morrowind, and that Silt-striders were far less easily spooked than these stupid beasts. The stable owner was very apologetic when he realised that his errant animal had almost run down the Thane of Whiterun. The Thane for her part managed to keep the cursing to herself until he had disappeared back inside.

"Bloody animals and their bloody owners. Hurry up Eiruki, the sooner we can get to White River Watch, the sooner I can get rid of this bloody hangover."

"Well my Thane," I replied, "If you wouldn't drink so much every night then this wouldn't happen."

If looks could kill, then right then I would be lying on the floor sinking into the mud. When the Thane spoke however, her tone conveyed that she knew that I was right. "Shut up Eiruki." She groaned and continued down the road towards White River Watch.

The journey to White River Watch was otherwise uneventful, but when we arrived, it all quickly went to Oblivion, again. First of all, we completely missed the first sentry that the bandits had posted outside the cave. Quite how we had managed to do that when he was in plain view is beyond me, and then while we were distracted by this revelation, the second sentry, who we had noticed, started taking potshots at us from the ledge above. The Thane hurled a fireball at the second bandit, similar to the one she had used to scare Braith, however this one made contact, right in the middle of the bandit's chest, hurling her backwards.

While the Thane had been doing this however, the first bandit had gotten in very close and was about to take her head off with his sword. Without stopping to think properly, I charged in to knock the bandit down. Unfortunately the Thane had also noticed the bandit, and rather than using her sword at such close-quarters, she had elected to hurl another fireball at him, or rather, at the space where he had been, a space now occupied by me.

I screamed in pain as, yet again, I was struck in the back by the Thane's fireball and passed out from the pain.

When I came round, I was lying on my back outside the cave, and was confronted by my Thane's grinning face. "I knew that learning healing magic from Danica was a good idea." She said.

"you, hit me with a fireball," I said, "_again_."

The Thane shrugged, looking slightly guilty, "Yes, but this time I managed to prevent the bandits from stabbing you while you were down, and to heal you as well. All in all, I think that went a lot better than the last time."

I wrinkled my nose slightly, the Thane was in a far better mood than before I had passed out, and there was a faint smell in the air-

A faint smell that I recognised.

"My Thane, did those bandits have mead on them?"

She giggled, It was a nice noise, but completely out of pl-

'_Think about all the other nice noises she might make, and the places she could be making them in'_

The voice in my head displaying its usual, perfect timing. I really did not need these sort of distractions right now.

"Only a couple of bottles," the Thane continued, "Besides, it wasn't really on the bandits, it was in that chest over there." She indicated a chest that had clearly just been picked open. "Come, on, let's finish clearing out that cave." So saying she helped me up and we ventured into the cave before us.

Inside the cave the bandits had set up a number of sacks, crates and barrels filled with whatever it was that they had plundered from the surrounding area, along with numerous furs from beasts that they had killed.

"Eh? Who's there? Rodulf, that you?"

We were both startled by the voice of an old man sitting at a table a short distance inside the cave. The Thane smirked at me before opening her mouth to reply in an imitation of a typical bandit's voice, "Yeah, 's me."

I reached for my sword, certain that the watchmen was either going to attack us or call for help.

"Boss was looking for you – said he'd be up at the summit. Better not keep him waiting." The guard replied. I was staggered, I couldn't believe my ears, a glance at the Thane's face confirmed that she felt the same, her expression mirroring my own. We continued cautiously down the passage, up some stairs, as we neared what seemed to be a communal sleeping area. As we drew nearer the open area, we heard two bandits talking.

"So you in?"

"… Yeah, we can't have that rheumy-eyed old fool as our watchmen, even if he is Hajvarr's uncle. Time we dealt with both of them."

That explained why the guard had let us past, he was blind. The Thane grinned at me in the dark, her white teeth seeming to glow in contrast to the surrounding darkness of her skin.

'_You could get closer to her teeth, and the lips that surround them, maybe introduce them to your own'_

The voice was back again, perfectly timed as usual. I told it to shut up, it was distracting me.

'_And the idea of capturing the Thane's mouth in yours, isn't distracting?'_

'Look,' I told it, 'If you don't shut up, you, me and the Thane that _you_ seem to be obsessed with, will all be dead.'

'_Ok,' _It said, '_But I will be back, later.'_ And it faded away into nothingness.

"We strike tonight, at dusk. Be ready." The bandits continued.

"No they won't." the Thane whispered as she stood up. "FOR AZURA!" She roared, charging at the tw, shocked bandits. I wasted a second being stunned by her drunken behaviour, before charging in after her. Our combined swords and her magic made short work of the two conspirators, and a third bandit that we had failed to notice until we were already charging and shouting.

We searched a small chest under the natural ramp leading up to the next level, finding a couple of small healing potions and a small amount of gold before continuing up through the cave. We passed a cupboard draped with iron armour and an empty beer keg before we came upon another pair of conversing bandits. These ones did not seem to be plotting to overthrow their leader, rather complaining about his plans to tame a half-starved wolf.

Once again we charged in, hacking apart the two bandits in front of us, this time however there were two bandit archers on the ledges above us. We took down the first one, but the Thane grunted in pain as she was hit from behind. As she fell, she hurled a fireball at the bandit that had shot her, burning the man alive. I rushed over to her side to see if there was anything I could do, before grinning when I realised where she had been hit.

"What, where has it hit me?" The Thane demanded.

"I'm sorry my Thane, but it looks like you'll have to give up adventuring and become a guard.2

"What?"

"You've taken an arrow to the knee."

I tried to hold back my laughter, but when I caught sight of the indignant look in my Thane's face I couldn't help it and burst into laughter. The Thane joined me when she realised what I meant.

After a few minutes of laughter she pulled the arrow out of her knee before healing her self and standing up to continue walking. We passed yet another wardrobe before exiting the cave to the plains and rains of Skyrim. Upon spotting a single bandit in plate armour seated at a table overlooking the White River valley towards Whiterun, theThane hurled a fireball at him before charging at him and decapitating him. The Thane was many things, but she was not subtle.

'_Yes, many things, such as attractive, gorgeous-'_

'I thought I told you to fuck off'

'_You did, I said I'd be back later, this is later, there are no bandits, so nothing to distract you from'_

'Can you not wait until we're back in Whiterun'

'_Very well, If you insist'_

Having dealt with the voice in my head for the time being I followed the Thane as she backtracked through the cave system. As we reached the entrance of the cave, the Thane suddenly stopped and grabbed hold of my shoulder, pulling me backwards. I looked at her, wondering what she was doing. The explanation resolved itself into two golden-armoured forms followed by a figure in black robes. Thalmor.

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**A/N: I haven't included everything that I said I would because the chapter was getting a bit long, and this seemed to be as good a place as any to cut it in half. The good news behind this is that I get to upload two chapters at once.**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: The second half of what was meant to be one big chapter, Eiruki and Gadali kill some Thalmor, get their bounty for killing the bandits, and get drunk.**

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Before it fully sunk in what she meant, the Thane had already leapt out of the cave mouth, roaring something about Azura and racist bastards. The Thalmor were completely stunned, the small female falling to the Thane's blade before any of them could get their weapons or magic ready. The justiciar and the male warrior both turned on the Thane, drawing or summoning a weapon as needed. The Thane's sword blocked the ghostly bound weapon of the justiciar, whilst my steel blocked the elven mace of the remaining warrior.

"Elven supremacy is the way forward!" the justiciar shouted.

"Fuck you, Arsehole!" was the Thane's response, "You give all elves a bad name."

I joined in with, "You racist Thalmor bastards."

The justiciar's robes provided no protection against the Thane's sword, causing the high elf to be completely disembowelled. The armour of the warrior on the other hand was quite effective at turning aside my blade. However, the open-face helmet gave a large unarmoured target which my sword slid into with a sickening squelching noise. The blade penetrated a weak point in the back of the helmet, emerging through the golden metal. The elf fell to the ground, ripping my sword from my grasp. Fortunately as we had dispatched the entire patrol there was no imminent danger requiring me to have my sword to hand.

"Congratulations Eiruki, you just killed your first Thalmor. At least I think you did… They were your first Thalmor right? You haven't killed any before?" The Thane walked over to the corpse of the high elf woman.

"What do you think, she looks about my size don't you think?"

"Yes my Thane, but why would- "

The Thane answered my unspoken question by stripping the elven armour off the dead Thalmor woman.

"This stuff's a lot better than my leather gear. Right let's see if it fits."

The Thane started fiddling with the buckles and straps on her armour before pulling the leather cuirass over her head, revealing that she was only wearing her underclothes beneath it. The sight was very distracting, it was the closest I had seen my Thane to naked.

'_And you like it, don't you?'_ The voice in my head had returned.

'You said you would wait until we had returned to Whiterun'

'_I lied, this is too good an opportunity to pass up'_

I groaned to myself. The Thane had finished stripping off and was now tightening the buckles on the Thalmor cuirass.

"Not bad," she said, "I think I might need to get that Avenicci woman next-door to make some alterations for me, but this is a pretty good fit."

We dragged the bodies of the dead Thalmor into the almost empty cave that we had just left, leaving them out of sight from the main road. Once we had finished 'disposing of the trash' as the Thane put it, we set out to return to Whiterun. We reached the city gates just as the sun was beginning to set. Once inside, the Thane disappeared into Breezehome and changed into a simple leather jerkin and leggings,

'_Both of which are rather tight and cling to her figure very well indeed'_

'Fuck off'

'_You really enjoy saying that, don't you? And besides, we're back in Whiterun now, so the agreement's off'_

I decided to ignore the voice in my head.

The Thane carried her new, elven armour into Warmaiden's and paid Adrianne to make modifications so that it would fit her better. Adrianne had to take measurements to make this happen, so the Thane was in there for about ten minutes. When she left, we headed up the streets towards Dragonsreach to get the bounty for clearing the bandits out of White River Watch.

The area by the Gildergreen was silent, as Heimskr was currently sitting in the Dragonsreach dungeons, being too poor and not having any friends willing to pay his fines for him. When we entered Dragonsreach I stood back and let the Thane deal with Proventus Avenicci. It was quite entertaining watching them argue over the value of the dead bandits and it made me grateful that our neighbour seemed to be a lot more pratical and sensible than her father.

The Thane walked away from the discussion with a large coin purse and an even larger grin.

"I take it that it all went well, my Thane?"

"Oh yes, very well indeed. Proventus didn't want to pay the initial two hundred septim bounty, tried to argue me down to one hundred, but then Irileth told him to shut him and pay me. Gave me two fifty in order to make up for, in her words, 'Proventus being a stubborn donkey.'" The Thane grinned. "So to celebrate our victory over bandits and other scum of Tamriel, you and I are going to the Bannered Mare to get pissed."

"My Thane, I'm not sure that's a good idea-"

"Nonsense, it's a great idea, besides you always spend the evenings cooped up in that tiny bedroom of yours, I insist that you come out and enjoy yourself. In fact-" A sly grin crept onto her face, "That's an order housecarl. I order you to come with me to the Bannered Mare and to enjoy yourself."

"I- very well, my Thane."

"Good, then lets go."

With that she turned around and walked out of the main doors, heading with a purpose towards the Bannered Mare.

When we entered the Bannered Mare, the Thane was greeted with a rousing cheer from the patrons.

"Gadali! You're back!"

"Aye that's right, I'm back to drink, fight, and whatever else the mead wants to do, and this time I brought a friend as well."

I felt slightly uncomfortable being surrounded by all these people who seemed to know the Thane better than I did.

"Gadali!" Sinmir roared, "I challenge you to another drinking contest, I will beat you this time for sure."

"You're on Sinmir." The Thane laughed, swigging from a tankard that she seemed to have procured from nowhere, "But once again, you are going down."

The two seated themselves at a small table and tankards of mead were placed before them. They proceeded to drink from the tankards taking it turns, to cheers from the amassed crowd. I noticed that numerous bets were being placed among the crowd. When I paid more attention I realised that they weren't being placed on who would win, rather on how many tankards Sinmir would be able to drink before passing out. In the end he got to five before he hit the floor, snoring. The Thane whooped loudly before grabbing a lump of charcoal of the bar and drawing all manner of designs on Sinmir's face. Once she had finished she turned to the crowd and roared, "Alright then! Who's next?"

Whilst the Thane busied herself outdrinking numerous challengers, I decided that while I was here, I might as well have something to drink and enjoy myself. I went to the bar and was going to buy myself a couple of bottles of Honingbrew mead to drink, but then I realised that the Thane had given me the money, so I decided to take advantage of the situation and treated myself to a couple of bottles of Black Briar Mead instead. I sat myself down and took a swig. It was a lot stronger, and a lot sweeter than the Honingbrew stuff I was used to. But I liked it, so after I finished the two bottles I had bought, I went back to the bar to get myself another. I stood up, swaying slightly as I walked. I giggled to myself, gods I was such a lightweight, then I looked at the Thane and giggled again, anyone was a lightweight when compared to her.

I sat myself down at the table and decided to drink the new bottle down in one. I tipped my head back to drink, and when I lowered it again, I was confronted by Mikhael, gazing at me.

"What's a beautiful woman like you doing drinking on her own, hmm?" He asked me, smiling broadly

"A beautiful woman? Where?" I asked.

"Oh, the lady does not know that she is beautiful, no worries, Mikhael can help you with that. I can make you feel like a fine lady of Cyrodiil, and make love to you like the great concubines of the Alik'r"

It rapidly dawned upon me that Mikhael was hitting on me, and I struggled against the panic as I tried to think of a way out of my predicament. Before I could do so however, a steel dagger thudded into the table, inches from Mikhael's hand.

"Naughty Mikhael, leave Eiruki alone or I'll smash your lute over your head again." The Thane slurred, wagging her finger at the womanising bard.

The look on Mikhael's face turned to one of sheer terror as fled the inn as though the assembled hordes of Oblivion were after him.

"The thing you need to learn, Eiruki," the Thane slurred, "is that men, when drunk, can be absolute bastards. That's why I prefer women, much less dangerous."

"My, my, you certainly like drink don't you?" A man's voice cut across the Thane's drunken lesson, "I haven't seen someone hold that much alcohol for years." The voice belonged to a small Breton man who introduced himself as Sam.

"My name's Sam," he said, "I wondered whether you'd be interested in a friendly drinking competition with me? I'll make it worth your while, a magic staff if you win."

The Thane eyed him up, "I never refuse a challenge, hang on though, 'magic staff' isn't a euphemism for your cock, is it?"

The small man roared with laughter, "No, no, not all, unless you're interested that is?"

"Nope, not interested, nothing personal though, I'm a lesbian. But I'll take you up on the drinking contest."

"Alrighty then, what about your friend, does she drink?"

"Yeah, I do," I said, "But I'm not sure how a three-way drinking competition would work."

The man smiled again, "Don't worry just drink when your friend does, it'll be good."

A little voice at the back of my head told me that this was a terrible idea, but as with all the voice's in my head at the moment, I decided that it was talking shit and ignored it.

"You look like a competent drinker, so we're going to use a special brew of mine." Sam said, "Don't worry. It's perfectly safe, just a bit stronger than what you might be used to. I'll take the first drink."

He swigged from a hip flask.

"Now it's your turn ladies."

We both drank from the proffered flask.

"Gods, that's strong stuff." I said.

"Shut up and drink Eiruki." The Thane replied.

"Very good," said Sam, "now for the second one."

We each drank again. I was beginning to feel slightly dizzy.

"I don't think I can take another, Sam said, "One more drink from you and you win."

The Thane grinned widely, "Bottoms up." She giggled, as we downed the last of the drink.

"Well done, you win the staff. But you know, you girls seem like fun, I know a place we can go where the wine flows like water."

Suddenly it felt like the world was going to collapse on my head. I was faintly aware of Sam's voice in the background, "Hey, are you ok? You guys don't look so good."

* * *

**A/N: And that ends the second chapter of the day. I love this quest, I do it on every single one of my accounts as soon as possible. I am going to do some research for the next chapter because I want to maybe beef the quest up a bit. By research I just mean that I'm going to watch the Hangover trilogy on Netflix.**

**As always, please tell me your opinions on Gadali and Eiruki, and feel free to ask any questions you may have about them. I enjoy answering questions.**


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